Coaching your child to adulthood is a long term game. You are training your child to think like a problem solver as they grow so that when the time comes to deal with situations on their own they will have a strategy to lean on even when you aren’t there.
Coaching sounds like a great idea! Who doesn’t want their kid to think for themselves, especially since
research shows that middle school and high school students are increasingly influenced by their peers.
But how do you coach your child through situations at home and school? These parent coaching phrases can help you in almost any situation.
Coaching Questions to Ask
Asking questions leads your child to think about the problem and work their way to a solution. Also, when you ask questions you are teaching kids to slow down and think about their problem. You are teaching them the questions they should ask themselves.
- What did you learn from ________?
- What steps did you take that helped you achieve your goals?
- What could you have done differently?
- How did you keep going when things were tough?
- What can you learn from your opponent today?
When your child is struggling through a difficult situation, feedback is very important. Your response in the midst of a struggle can provide support, encouragement, and confidence. Try these phrases for coaching feedback.
- This will be really hard, but I believe you can do it.
- You haven’t got it yet, but you will if you keep working and thinking about it.
- I really appreciate your efforts today.
- It’s ok to take risks that’s how we learn.
- Getting better takes time and I see you improving.
Mindset is hard to change. When your child is engaged is self-defeating talk, you can help them change the way they think about themselves by teaching them to rephrase what they are saying about their situation.
Instead of… Try thinking…
This is too hard. This may take some time and effort.
I can’t make this any better. I can always improve so I’ll keep trying.
I made a mistake. Mistakes help me to learn
It’s good enough. Is it really my best work?
Plan A didn’t work. Good thing there are 25 more letters in the alphabet!
Showing your child empathy while they are in the midst of big emotions will help them to label their feelings. You will also be able to build a connection with your child, which is very important as you are coaching them to be problem solvers.
Phrases to use when your child is facing big emotions:
-You don’t want to…
-You don’t like that…
-You wish you could… instead…
What coaching phrases work with your children?